What is a Friend?

Even the seals on Monomoy Island find comfort in companionship. It seems safe to surmise that we were not meant to travel this journey unaccompanied.  I am writing from one of my favorite places in the world, Cape Cod, and I am visiting my good friends Beth and Greg who have a wonderful home here on the beautiful Bass River. As I sit in the room that (I pretend for one week a year) is mine and look out at the water, I am incredibly grateful for this friendship and all the other friendships that make up the patchwork of my life so far. 

When I was younger, I had one best friend, and she was the repository of all my secrets. I have never been someone who has a plethora of friends. I collected pens and books and loads of other things, but I had (and still have) a very small circle of friends. This probably stemmed originally from my shyness, but I think now it has to do with the weight of friendship; I have never wanted more friends than I can carry. I'm not talking about literal weight, I'm talking about emotional weight. You should never be too busy to help a friend, to listen to the details of her bad day (even if it is simply a bad haircut). My friends have been there for me through the bumps and the bruises, the chaos and the confusion, and they have been there for the celebrations, the laughter and the joy. Most importantly perhaps, they have been there for all the humdrum everyday moments in between. The moments when you are lying in the sun on your metaphoric island happy to glance over and see that Sadie Seal and Susie Seal are right beside you!

Beth admiring her new VS  birthday panties!

We have laughed a lot this week (this picture alone caused more than a few giggles), and I am reminded once again that my friends add life to my life-- as I hope I do to theirs. Albert Schweitzer is quoted as saying that  "In everyone's life, at some time, our inner flame goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter w/another human being." Our friends are the torch-bearers, they enliven us when we are feeling burned out, and when we forget...they remind us of the person we want to be.

I am surrounded by beauty here; everywhere I look, I see something I love. Beth and Greg and their family and extended family have been a part of my life for over a decade and there is a history now that is incredibly powerful. As I watch Evan waterski, I am reminded of going up to the hospital to visit him on the day he was born.

 I share a similar history with my other close friends and I never take it for granted. I am immensely proud of the fact that those relationships span so many years. The poet William Blake once wrote:

"The bird a nest, the spider a web, man friendship."

I will try not to jump into English teacher mode here, BUT clearly there are many ways to interpret this comparison. The nest and the web are safe spaces for the bird and the spider, just as friendship is a safe space for us. But I am intrigued by another piece of the metaphor: The bird labors to build the nest and then is able to rest and enjoy its comfort. The spider works diligently to spin the web and then is rewarded by a place that provides her with sustenance. We must carefully craft our friendships...each shared experience becomes another brick in our unique building. Years and years down the road, we put our feet up and pour two glasses of Sauvignon Blanc and watch the river or our kids or whatever the view provides, and we feel so incredibly lucky to have built this incredible safe warm spectacular friendship. 

On a more prosaic note: TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE TRIED UNSUCCESSFULLY TO LEAVE COMMENTS--PLEASE TRY AGAIN. I THINK I WORKED OUT THE KINKS!!!