A few days ago, I was at the YMCA waiting for my Pilates Reformer class to begin and three women were sitting on the bench chatting with me. Two of the women were in their forties, and there was also a woman in her early 70's. The forty somethings and I were bemoaning the pre and post menopausal fat pooches sprouting up in unexpected places on our bodies. Words like "back-fat" and "belly fat"were being tossed around with humor tinged with fear. As women in our society, we understand that our looks are our currency, and we don't want to feel poor as we age. The fear is even greater when you are single, as I am, and have been taught to believe that a woman's appearance may greatly affect her ability to find a mate.
After a while, the 70+ woman jumped into the conversation. "I have parts of my body these days that I'd like to change too," she told us. "But, mostly, I want to make sure I'm around for a long time with all the parts in working order." The two forty somethings and I exchanged weighted glances. We agreed that how our body functions and what it allows us to do is what should matter; however, we also know that how we look has a profound and sometimes disturbing affect on how our lives unfold and how we feel about ourselves.
A few nights ago, a powerful documentary premiered on the OWN Network. The film "Miss Representation" takes a look at the disturbing ways that women are portrayed in contemporary media. From the hyper-sexualized and provocative images that children are bombarded with to the disparaging comments made about women in positions of power. The images and the statistics that the filmmakers present are nothing less than shocking. The overflow of uncensored and unregulated images and opinions that we are exposed to on a daily basis has reached unparalleled levels. With new cable channels and internet sites sprouting up daily, access to anything and everything is just a click away.
The filmmakers, and the experts they interviewed, pose some difficult and important questions:
Where are the role models for our girls? Why do even cartoon characters like Disney's Tinkerbell dress provocatively? How do reality tv dating and toddler beauty pageant shows shape the way young girls think about the world and themselves? How does a girl learn about being a woman when she is flooded with images of young wild and spoiled girls like Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian and Lindsay Lohan? How do the heavily photo-shopped images of models in magazines force girls and women to feel that they can never measure up to some impossibly unrealistic ideal of beauty?
I struggle too with finding the balance between valuing who I have become as a woman and obsessing over newly gray hairs and newly flabby abs. Clearly, I have not yet arrived at the place where I am allowed to love my body-- flaws and all. Thankfully, I am far more confident than I was as a teen and I am extremely proud when I see the way my own daughter walks through the world with a mixture of grace and bravado that I could not even have imagined at 19.
This weekend, one of my favorite people in the world is in town to visit. Beth's only daughter, Hannah, is here staying with me and visiting a friend of hers. A beautiful and bright sixteen year old, Hannah naturally wants to spend most of the time with her friend, but I stole her away this morning for an hour of pampering at the nail salon. This common ritual of female beautification and bonding is relaxing and fun. Are we buying into some culturally created mandate of femininity? Maybe. But, I refuse to believe that focusing on my contributions to the world and my spirit must occur at the expense of my nails.
Afterwards, as we were sitting under the uv lights waiting for the polish to dry, I asked Hannah what part of the country she imagined she'd end up in. Her family has a home in Dallas as well as a summer place on the cape, so I was wondering if she thought she'd end up on the east coast or in Texas or somewhere else altogether. She looked at me with her strong and serene gaze and said, "If I have to think about where I'll be in 20 years or so, I imagine myself in some small village in Africa building wells."
WOW!! Let's put Hannah on tv. Let's showcase our strong, confident, bold and beautiful daughters. Let's remember that we can only strive for that which we are allowed to imagine!
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