Do You Know Who You Are?

My 17 female seniors have just finished reading James McBride's powerful memoir, The Color of Water, and I spent part of this weekend reading their moving in-class essays about McBride's search for his identity and about their own struggles to figure out who they are. School will be over soon. Some of these seniors have attended our small private school since kindergarten. We talk fondly about our "cloistered walls," but walls can be both protective and confining. The world outside those walls is large and far more diverse. Some of the girls are more than ready to break out of this lovely shell, but many others seem  filled with trepidation. A few of the girls wrote about trying to define themselves in a world that often makes them choose between being "cool" or "popular" and their Christian faith. One of the girls, who has one Asian and one Caucasian parent, wrote about identifying with McBride's struggle to define himself racially (he had a black father and a white mother). A few of the girls wrote about being different with different groups of friends and trying to ascertain which identity was more genuine or authentic. One interesting essay was about a young woman's understanding that she could view her affluent and privileged upbringing as either a benefit or a deficit. Ultimately, she chose to see it as a gift.

These girls are all bright and talented and will go on to college and then into the world to do great things.
As I read their essays, I couldn't help envying them a bit. So much of their lives lies in front of them like a blank canvas. At 51, I have much less of my life left to unfold. Yet, I don't feel as if my identity is completely static. I believe that we are always evolving and growing if we live our lives with intention and clarity. I know that I am a different woman than I was at 20 or 30. I hope that when I turn 60, I will feel that I am almost exactly the woman I had hoped to become. Not that I plan to stop growing, but I hope, at that point, to be mostly satisfied with my identity.

My forties were a time of great re-invention. I went from married to single, from stay-at-home-mom to full-time English teacher and from someone who was frightened and sad to someone who was happier and braver.

My challenge for you, dear bleaders, is to upgrade yourself  at least as often as you upgrade your cellphone. If your software needs a 2.0 version, perhaps you do as well. Stretch your comfort zone.
Learn something new. Be a kinder, gentler, stronger, smarter, happier, healthier, wilder, freer version of YOU. Think of identity like a painting-in-progress: add some detail, erase an imperfection, experiment with a new color. After all, you're the only person on this entire planet who can create YOUR IDENTITY. Make it a great one!